Getting Real: Author Britt East on Self-Work, Recovery, and Building a Life Worth Living
Britt East reflects on self-work, recovery, and personal responsibility, discussing his new book "A Gay Man’s Guide to Life" and what it takes for gay men to start building meaningful lives.
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Omaralexis Ochoa: Today, I am ecstatic to introduce you to Britt East, an incredible author and speaker whose latest book, "A Gay Man's Guide to Life," has just hit shelves this week and has already become a number one bestseller on Amazon. Britt's "Guide to Life" is a book written for gay men by a gay man to uncover an approachable, no-nonsense path for gay men to set down their excuses and get to the business of improving their lives.
Meet Britt East and His New Book
Omaralexis Ochoa: Britt East is an author and speaker who uses his experience, strength, and hope to challenge and inspire change-oriented gay men to get down to the business of improving their lives. With over two decades of personal growth and development experience in a variety of modalities such as the 12 steps, nonviolent communication, yoga, meditation, talk therapy, and the Hoffman process,
Britt is committed to building a personal practice of self-discovery that he can then share with gay men everywhere. He lives in Seattle with his husband and their crazy dog. You can learn more about him at BrittEast.com. Britt, thank you so much for joining me today.
Britt East: It's my absolute pleasure. I'm a big fan of your podcast and I'm thrilled to join you.
Omaralexis Ochoa: Thank you. That's fabulous to hear. You have this book that's just come out. It's already number one on Amazon. With this book hot off the press this past week, you must be incredibly relieved, but also proud. I mean, you mentioned to me on a previous call that this was something in the works for almost 20 years. Is that correct?
Britt East: Yeah, haha. Yeah, I'm laughing because I'm -- really more than anything, I'm incredibly exhausted, but yeah, I am really proud. You know, the writing process started in April of last year. So just over a year ago and, but the, I've really, this material has been simmering with me for 20 years because that's, that was the line that I kind of drew in my life when I hit rock bottom and started to pull myself up again and, and started to create a life worth living. And all of that is what I have poured into this book. All of that served as the source material and the medicine, not only for me, but for the readers. And it took 20 years for that to marinate.
The Writing Journey and What It Revealed
Omaralexis Ochoa: Yeah, I mean, the sheer amount of introspection and self discipline needed to write and publish a book such as this, you know, some parts memoir, some parts self help. I can't imagine the sheer amount needed to do that. So what are some things you learned along the way or even learned about yourself while writing this book?
Britt East: Well, you know, one thing that was kind of interesting is because it took so long for the information to kind of marinate in my soul, the writing process was really effortless. It felt more like dictation than actual writing. And of course, I spent a lot of time editing and shaping and working with experts and stuff to get it just right. But actually getting the words on the page was effortless. It almost felt like it was dying to be born. And so to answer your question,
I'm continuing to learn over and over again to let go and to trust the process to relinquish some of my illusions of control. much safety as I get from that, that sense of safety, it's all an illusion anyway. And I find that when I allow life to flower, it usually ends up being way beyond my wildest dreams. So I might as well just kind of sit back a little bit and enjoy the ride.
Advice for Creatives and Aspiring Authors
Omaralexis Ochoa: Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. mean, as a creative myself and having experienced with a ton of other creatives, straight and gay, I feel like one of the big things that gets in the way is ourselves and our own, as you mentioned, illusions of control and really just allowing the universe or whatever you believe in to sort of take the wheel is oftentimes best for birthing or creating something like this. So what would you say is some advice you have for creatives or people trying to write their own books or memoirs to really get started.
Britt East: I think you've got to do a lot of hard work to get to know yourself. I would advise people to do the bulk of the hard work upfront, let things simmer and then just pour out of themselves. And it's a metaphor for life. We as gay men spend so much of our times, I mean, at least if you grew up like me, living a lie and we call that lie the closet, but it's really foisted on us by the bigotry of straight people.
And it takes a while for us to, you know, for ourselves to form. And all of that is requisite to writing any sort of memoir or personal growth and development work. Otherwise, you're really just recycling old information. And so it's important to have a distinct point of view before you sit down to write that book or whatever your artistic modality is. And in order to do that, you've got to really know yourself.
And that takes time and a lot of hard work. And I would advise people to put the hard work in that bucket rather than the trying to control the process. Allow the process to unfold once you've done the due diligence upfront.
The “Unformed” Self and the Work of Becoming
Omaralexis Ochoa: when you start off the gay man's guide, you do hit upon some of these pretty salient and what I think are universal experiences to the gay experience, specifically when you mentioned going off to college, you felt unformed, almost like a shell. So when you talk about knowing yourself, ⁓ you described yourself in the book as more of a collection of defense mechanisms at the time, which I thought was an incredibly apt description for how I think a lot of gay men feel. how do you think gay men can move past these feelings? And how did you?
Britt East: well, my life had to be broken apart, so it was not an act of willpower. I had to hit rock bottom and I don't advise that for anybody else. That's just the reality of where I was because I was that boneheaded and, frankly, mentally unwell. but you know, I guess what gay men have to do is to start to get real and inevitably that involves a lot of fearless moral inventory, looking at your life, at least in private. Standing in front of the mirror and measuring the good and the bad, but being truly relentlessly honest about it. And then you can decide if and when you share that with anybody else, but at least do it alone. But so many of us lie to ourselves when we are by ourselves and that's just, that's what delusion is. And so we have to get real and we have to... own the harm that we endured. So for instance, one thing I recommend every gay person does that most people hate is you sit down with your loved ones, if your relationship can afford it. You sit down with them in the spirit of kindness and love and generosity and you look them deeply in the eyes and you ask them to hold the consequences of their bigotry. And that will floor them. That will bring them to their knees.
If they enter that loving space with you and it'll likely, it could start a fight, it could start an argument, but the point is for them to finally really see you, to see you as more than a gay cliche, to see you more than a role, meaning son or daughter or brother, but to see all of you and to start to know a little bit of what you have endured, to join you in that process and thereby heal the relationship.
That act alone will help you get real, help you own the harm. Not so you can blame, certainly not so you can punish, but so you can be liberated from it. You have to acknowledge it and be joined in it so you can be set free. And then once you find that freedom, now you have the clean slate, the green field into which you can pour the life of your dreams. And that's just a function of trial and error. Most straight people do that in their teens.
But for a lot of gay guys, we have a delayed adolescence because of the bigotry. It's not our fault, but because of the bigotry. So we have to go and reclaim those rites of passage. We don't have the initiations, the ceremonies, the traditions in our culture that straight culture uses to build a life and form a self. So we have to go do that for ourselves. And sometimes that involves a lot of hard solitary work and other times.
It involves hiring subject matter experts and sometimes it's a combination of the two.
Getting Real: Brotherly Advice and Tough Love
Omaralexis Ochoa: Right. And I would even venture to say sometimes many gay men don't ever do that. Don't ever get real about it. And that seems to be a big mantra within a lot of your work. Several articles that you've posted on Medium as well as themes throughout your book with the various different chapters about getting real. And you've described this book as some parts memoir, some parts self-help, all sort of like advice from a big brother. So what is some brotherly advice that you received in your life that you can share with us that helped you get real?
Britt East: It was all about the 12 steps. My life fell apart and that involved a disclosure of sex addiction. that disclosure flattened my life. This was in the early 90s when sex addiction had not yet entered the mainstream. It was not part of the lexicon that, at least I had never heard of it. I hadn't heard of addiction, but I thought that was drugs and alcohol. I did not yet realize that sex could be an addictive behavior as well.
My partner at the time got into the 12 steps and I got into the companion program, which was called Codependence to Sex Addicts Anonymous. And so sitting in those rooms with other addicts, telling each other our unvarnished truths, there was a lot of social currency in how raw and real you could be, how far you were willing to go.
There's all sorts of downsides and unintended consequences for that, but it was thrilling. was electrifying for the first time. mean, I think literally for the first time I was getting real and telling the truth with a capital T and I learned it through their love. most of the people were women in this group and they modeled it for me through their eloquence and their bravery. And so I just did what they did. I wanted what they had. So I did what they did.
And all of these age old, especially alcoholics anonymous axioms, these cliches, these sayings that we have in the program hit me very deeply. And it was in that process that I found my voice. So in the end, this disclosure, the behavior, the sexual abuse that my partner brought to our relationship was in a way was a gift. I don't say that with any kind of Pollyanna.
Or, you know, optimism. just mean that it, is what it took for me to start to get real. had to go to zero. My life was flattened. hit bottom. And then by some miracle, I found myself in these rooms and these 12 step rooms where these women modeled how to tell the truth. And that's where it all started for me. And I was probably 26 at the time. 25, 26, and that's when it all started for me. And that's how I learned just by copying them. I want what they had, so I did what they did.
The 12 Steps, Codependency, and Hitting Bottom
Omaralexis Ochoa: you would say that your struggle with codependency, you know, after seeking therapy was an experience that sort of set you on the path to becoming, I guess, for lack of a better term, a gay guru at this at this time.
Britt East: Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, codependency is one of those funny words. It's, really just means an excessive emotional reliance on someone. And because I couldn't rely on myself in my eyes, I was nothing. That means I dumped my life into whoever I was with or trusted. it's like, I, dumped my life into their hands and crossed my fingers, which was just patently unfair, unloving and abusive in its own way.
And so that was a result that codependency was a result of me having no foundation in life. Myself had not yet formed. I was just a lump of clay and I had to I had to be molded. And so the my partner was engaged in active sex addiction. I was engaged in active active codependency and he was arrested for having sex with a minor.
And that was the triggering event. Otherwise, who knows what would have happened if you were not arrested? Who knows if we would have ever, there would have been some other, I guess, triggering event and who knows what would have happened. But that event was so traumatic, so outlandish that it forced me to confront this, not out of any sense of altruism or forgiveness, but out of desperation. Because I thought I was nothing, I had nowhere to turn. So I decided to stay with him.
He got in the 12 step program and started to get better. And of course I was livid. I was enraged. How could he have done all of this to me and now start to be happy? So the only revenge I had was to get into my own 12 step program. And then I started to get better as well. And we ended up staying together for about seven years total and then kind of split up for other reasons. But you know, we're still friends to this day and we're both married and our husbands are even friends. So it ended up being a really beautiful lifelong relationship punctuated by highly traumatic events.
Privilege, Therapy, and Asking for Help
Omaralexis Ochoa: So when it comes to trauma and dealing with these sorts of events, like you mentioned, hit rock bottom and have to relinquish yourself to seeking help, seeking subject matter experts and other people who can help guide you along the path to recovery. And I kind of want to relate that to your perspective on privilege. Frequently throughout your book, you talk about acknowledging your privileges as a cisgender, white gay man. And frankly, you know, as a Latino man myself, I feel like a lot of Latino culture kind of avoids the prospect of seeking therapy and seeking help. What would you say is some advice you could give to people who maybe don't understand or perceive the value of seeking therapy and relinquishing yourself to medical professionals?
Britt East: I love this question. I think it gets to the heart of who so many of us are as men and in particular as gay men. The way we raise men in this world is to constrain their feelings and sense of limits. And there's actually a ton of freedom that you experience when you acknowledge your limits, when you acknowledge where you end and where you begin that frees you to do what you can do and to offload the rest to ask for help. When you think you can do it all or should do it all, you are in some sort of prison. And that is exacerbated by gay men because we learn early on there's no one we can trust. know, things are changing. It depends on your personal experience where you grew up. But if you grew up like I grew up, you lived in oblivion and nobody was like you. You were the last unicorn and you had to learn everything on your own and everything that you would be in this world, you would have to make with your own two hands.
That is a prison.
And at some point we have to acknowledge we can't do it all. And my advice is to be relentlessly pragmatic. So for instance, if you owned a home and you had problems, electrical problems in your home or plumbing problems in your home, depending on the nature of the problem, unless you have that subject matter expertise, you would likely call an expert. I know I would. I'm completely helpless. And so if I need anything, I have to call an expert. And the same is true with mental health. You know, with your physical health, if you had a heart attack, you wouldn't try to open heart surgery on yourself. For some reason with the brain, we just think that we have to do it all ourselves and it's absolutely not the case. So if therapy is not for you, try psychiatry. If psychiatry is not for you, try a life coach, try your church, try whatever you have to do, do it.
It's a matter of trial and error and doing what works. So instead of being idealistic, be pragmatic and just try different things. There's so many different modalities of talk therapy. If you don't like one, try another or try something completely different, but try something.
Recognizing the Moment You Need Support
Omaralexis Ochoa: I feel like there are so many layers that come into play for individuals who have some preconceived notions about what it means to be mentally unhealthy. oftentimes people don't want to talk about that. The intersectionality for gay men in specific, know, relating to not only our cultural backgrounds, magnifying different stigmatizations and perspectives on relinquishing that control. It's a larger issue that we see here in the United States, but just in the world at large. So.
In terms of mental health and seeking assistance, you really have to recognize that you have a problem. At what point did you recognize that you needed help?
Britt East: Well, the first moment is when I woke up from a suicide attempt. That was the first moment. I found myself in the care of the university health system for the first time talking with a professional and I was really lucky. were in graduate school so I got it for free because they were just trying to earn credit hours. That was my first exposure to it.
Like a lot of people, dipped in and out of it. I had not yet made a commitment because you made an excellent point. That was true for me. Then I did not really want to know. I could not afford the answer. And so I hid from the question exactly like you said. And, ⁓ then it became really clear when the police were beating me up in my own apartment, that something was not working and.
Ultimately, like I described when my partner was getting happy, even though he was the sex addict, that was very clarifying as well. And so between those three milestones, I just realized like, can't do it on my own. you know, a lot of people have what they consider to be a strong family unit to draw support from. And I did not have that. A lot of people might have a degree in this subject, you know, this and I did not have that I was a musician at the time. So it's like,
I mean, what am I going to do? I had to get help and it was just because my life wasn't working. I had no money, I had no friends, my relationships were a disaster. There was just nothing working in my life. it just, I mean, it's like, I'm so boneheaded. It like had to just be that crystal clear for me to kind of miraculously find myself in front of these amazing helpers in my life, whether they were life coaches or talk therapists. I've been so lucky to have so many different, so much different assistance and part of it was miracle and part of it was hard work and desperation.
What the Book Is Meant to Do for Readers
Omaralexis Ochoa: So, would you say that your book, A Gay Man's Guide to Life, is an answer that you want to give gay men who are struggling with issues to help themselves?
Britt East: Absolutely. In a lot of ways, it's just a good old fashioned butt kicking. And that's why I kind of frame it as a big mean older brother who would beat the snot out of you and tell you what's going on and then pick you up so you can start over and get on the right track. Because that's what a lot of us need. I mean, you said it really well. A lot of us are on the wrong track, don't even know it and aren't even willing to...
aren't even curious or willing to do the process of inquiry to figure it out because we're so invested in our band-aids and we're so invested in that vial of cocaine. We're so invested in that random anonymous transactional sex, whatever our drug of choice. We would rather engage in that than in any sort of personal growth and development work. And this book is, is rough and raw to get the reader's attention, but then also has chock full of straightforward pragmatic advice that anybody could implement, whether you're gay or straight or anything else, and use to improve their lives.
Career: Building a Path (and the Role of Luck)
Omaralexis Ochoa: Yeah, I mean, looking through your book, you cover quite a few topics, whether it's mind, body, spirit, or finances, career, relationships, and love. There's a little bit of everything in this book. So I do want to pivot a little bit into career. know, all things considered, you are an incredibly accomplished expert in e-commerce and digital solutions. And you mentioned in your book that this was almost entirely by accident. can you talk to me a bit about how you got into this field?
Britt East: I owe my entire career to Google. Like I literally have no idea what I would do where I'm able to Google things. I mean, I just, like, if it weren't the internet age when I'm so a lot of it's luck because I happened to move to Seattle by pure chance at the, during the dot-com bubble, in 2000. And so they would hire anybody to do anything. And my only experience at that time was in classical music. So I was patently unqualified for.
for much of anything in terms of finding a job today versus then there's no comparison. And so I have to acknowledge all the luck that was involved. And of course I worked really hard and scrambled and clawed my way up. But there was a ton of luck involved. And part of that luck was the internet existed. Had it been 20 years earlier, I don't know what I would have done. And so I was able to Google things. And there was a culture in my field of choice which happened to be information technology at the start.
There was a culture of apprenticeship. There were no real degree programs back then. If you were in a computer science degree, it was like to make robots. It wasn't to do anything practical with digital marketing or even IT operations or anything like that. And so I happened to pick a field that had this culture already built in of one where knowledge is conferred and passed down to staff by their superiors. And the spirit of trial and error was celebrated.
And so that was more good fortune that I kind of fell into, to be honest. And I just realized I was really good at it. And I have no idea why, you I think we all have that experience in life where we try something new and it happens to work. we're like, huh, that's, that's weird. How am I, you know, I've never done that before. How am I kind of good at it? And so I just took, took to it naturally. And, and, know, and I also had the hunger and the drive because I knew that
I did not have the support network that most people enjoy. knew that I had to make my own way in this world. And so it propelled me forward with a relentless intensity and almost a fury and to consume as much as I could and consume as much knowledge as I could to look for more and more opportunities. And now I've actually in a different place in my career where happily
I am relinquishing some of that control like we started off the conversation with. am letting go and focusing more on the people, the relationships, the service. And that's what part of that spirit is what bore this book was that kind of that almost like a throttling, that downshift in terms of like not focusing so much on climbing the corporate ladder and focusing more on the relationships and the service work.
The Modern Job Market: Leveraging Relationships
Omaralexis Ochoa: When it comes to career, the game has changed. know, no longer are we seeing those sorts of apprenticeships. You oftentimes many of these things are locked into, you know, internships and school programs and degrees. And it's gotten a lot more formalized. We're in this globalized economy with people from all over the world competing for jobs at the biggest organizations. You talk about salary negotiations and resumes and, you know, all of these things that are very much still applicable in the modern day. What would be a key piece of advice that you could give to someone trying to go on the same path as you, but today in 2020?
Britt East: The first thing is to do the personal work like we talked about earlier to get to know yourself and then have a shift in your mindset and energy from one of fear and hesitancy into one of confidence. There's nothing that is going to help you more in a job interview than authentic true confidence, not bluster, not ego, but I actually mean there's a love and an abundance.
When you recognize that the world as it truly is, then you're filled with an innate optimism based on your own experience, strength and hope, less about pep or happiness, but based on your own truth and your own soul, what you know to be true. Let that fill your heart. Now this sounds very new age-y and I'm not that kind of guy, but there's something serious here that's really important.So you go into that job interview with the right energy. Now you also have to prepare and what's changed today so much as big data and the applicant tracking systems that companies use to filter through the entire pool of candidates, thinking, hoping, praying that it'll whittle down some of the applicant pool. The downside, the unintended consequence of applying for jobs online is anybody can do it for free. So it means hiring managers are inundated with resumes and you have to find a way for you to stand out. So all of this is to say everything that's old is new again.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. So we're back into almost a pre-internet time where your relationships are more important than ever. Because there's been such a democratization of the playing field when it comes to the ability to apply for any position. It means that you need to find creative ways to stand out. And the way to do that is to leverage your relationships. So depending on where you are in your career and your education, you need to understand the concept of leverage.
And I go into this in the book and how to, how to utilize leverage in your life and all facets of your life. ⁓ and then also how to, create, nurture, grow, maintain, sustain relationships, professional relationships. And that's, I was completely deficient in that. had no clue. And that's part of the luck. mean, in my career, because I just happened to be there at a moment where relationships were actually not the biggest thing because it was the early days of the internet. There was less competition. Now, relationships are paramount. So if you can find somebody to go hand that person a resume and sing your praises or hand that person a cover letter and you go to the top of the stack, you're gonna do way better than if you're just part of the old cattle call. And so you've got to find ways to focus on your professional relationships to get really practical about it and to overcome your fear of asking for help from those relationships, asking to leveraging those connections, just kind of getting over any sort of awkwardness that you might feel. Because in the professional, at least in the white collar professional world in corporate America, which is my background, that's really kind of everything at this point.
Then you also have to look at your work, product, your resume, your portfolio, whatever it is, you have to look at it from a data perspective. Because of big data, you're going to be screened in or screened out based on various buzzwords and acronyms and phrases. And it's incumbent upon you to look at other job ads and talk to your colleagues to figure out what the precise terminology is. Because at the end of the day, it's up to you to take charge of your own job applications, not the applicant tracking system's fault.
It's up to you to take charge to figure out what's important. And so that your resume, your work can be viewed in its most positive light.
Networking Without “Value” Anxiety
Omaralexis Ochoa: When it comes to confidence and how that comes into play with relationships and networking, know, maybe this is just my perspective as a young person. So I would definitely love to get your advice on this. Oftentimes, I think many young people in their career sort of bulk at the idea of leveraging personal relationships for networking purposes because of the concept of value. Oftentimes we talk about how
If you're going to reach out to someone and request a favor or some sort of networking connection, there has to be an exchange of value. can't be one-sided. What would be your advice to someone that doesn't have, say, the confidence necessary to really reach out and leverage these networking connections because they don't feel they have the value to properly facilitate such an exchange?
Britt East: Great question. It's, there's a couple of things. So I think what you describe is so common and I hear this all the time and talking with people. and I think it's a little bit misguided in that there's a little secret that people love to help other people. they really do. It makes them feel strong and powerful and makes them happy. in a lot of ways people love to be asked, and so they're kind of waiting for you to leverage. And it can feel like so. mean, I remember it wasn't that long ago. But I mean, I kind of remember that feeling.
What am I? Who am I? I'm a classical musician. What am I going to do? I'm just this little person over here in the corner. Yeah. What do they care about? But the reality is just the opposite. The reality is most people are longing for people to help, longing for people to mentor. And it's a matter of understanding
So to answer your question, it's a matter of understanding the truth of human nature, which is that most human beings in the world by and large want to help you. So now you have to help them help you. So it's about framing the request in a way that is specific, doable, logical, that it fits the size of your relationship. Like if you meet somebody on the street and you ask for something that's really time consuming, of course, you're probably going to get a no or confused look.
So you have to right size the request to fit the relationship. And it takes a lot of thought and soul searching. You have to know yourself. You have to understand your aptitudes and your affinities, your strengths, your weaknesses. And a lot of times that takes trial and error. But the good news is, especially as a young person, you will not be penalized for it. And at least in the US, we celebrate failure, especially in the young.
And there's actually a lot of mistrust about people who seem to have had it too easy, especially in the corporate world. People want to hear about the mistakes you've made. And that will be part of probably every interview that you go on. That will probably be a question in some form or fashion. So it's so important you have that story down and the story feels real and authentic. A lot of these hiring managers are not direct contributors or daily practitioners of their subject matter anymore but they have a finely honed BS detector and they're looking for inconsistencies in your stories. They're looking for gaps in your resume or where things don't add up because mostly they're afraid. They're afraid they're going to have to go through the firing process, which can be onerous, especially if you're in a protected class and have to start the process all over again because the last thing they want to do is be looking through raw resumes.
So they were so afraid of making the wrong decision. You have to understand the human dynamics there. And this is where I try to decompose in the book and spell out really clearly so you can put yourself in the shoes of that interviewer and the various people that will be looking at your application. And then when you're able to empathize with all of these people, including the people in your professional network that you might be, going, turning to for advice.
I think it helps you, at least for me, it helps alleviate some of the awkwardness because I understand where they're coming from. I understand if I know the truth of human nature, I start with the fact that most people want to be helpful and friendly and want to be your mentor in some form or fashion. And so if you start from that place of abundance and you understand what you're good at, I think that you will be able to find a place where you can you can create a space where you can sing your song loudly. You can shine brightly without being annoying or off putting. There is an art to it and it takes practice. And so there's all sorts of techniques you can do to mock up and spoof these sorts of situations. But for me, it's a lot about emotional intelligence and human insight and doing the introspection and personal growth work to truly understand who you are, how you fit into the dynamics of this relationship so that you can then let it go and just be yourself. Just relax and be yourself. Give up all the illusions of control. Do all the prep work upfront so that when you're in that scenario, whether it's asking for help or actually in the interview, you can let go of all of the technique and just be yourself.
Finding Career Direction and Knowing Your Value
Omaralexis Ochoa: Yeah, I really want to zoom in on one particular thing you mentioned about career and seeking advice. And that is to be very prescriptive and specific about what you're reaching out for and right sizing it to the context of that relationship. And I feel like the question I initially posed was sort of like step to seeking professional advice or assistance. Step one really is understanding what it is you yourself want. And I feel like that's something very many people just in general of all ages kind of struggle with. So what would be your advice to gay men who are struggling to decide what to do in terms of their career and any advice you might have on how to find a career passion?
Britt East: I think the biggest thing you can do before settling on an answer quote unquote there is to know your value. To really, I mean, and I'm just logical and linear, so I would just even write it down. Like seriously, what are you good at? What do you value in life? What character traits do you value? What do you aspire to? What are you good at? What are your talents? What are your superpowers?
What are you not good at? Nobody has to see this list if you don't want to share it. If it's embarrassing, you know, maybe you maybe you think you're only good at a couple of things. That's OK. But do those things to the hilt. You figure out what makes you different. What are your differentiators? And do those things to the hilt. And when I say do those things I'm talking about allow those allow your state of being in the world to manifest, to express those qualities to so your body actually makes them incarnate.
They're actually born into your presence in the world. And then, you know, it's a matter of trial and error to actually land on a career, to land on a job or pick a major in school. It's a lot of trial and error. And I think part of it is to understand that, especially as a young person, there are no mistakes. You're really not going to be penalized by any employer with their salt for dabbling in this career or another because there's so many applicable skills and experiences you're going to have that translate to any position along the way. it's first, knowing yourself, second, knowing what you value, knowing where you can make a difference. One thing I do is I look at where am I irritated?
Just walking through life, what is irritating me? And if I hold those up against my values, what do I value in life? That will often give me the clarity about what, how I can serve. And if you step into a mode of service, even as a young person, a lot of young people think they can't serve or whatever. That's absolutely not true. If you step into a service mindset and an energy of abundance, you're going to zoom past a lot of people who are worried about the rat race or the pedigree going to this school or having that degree. I mean, I have a degree in flute. So if I can, you know, if I can do it with a flute degree, anybody can do it with it. So it's more about having the right mindset and having that energetic shift so that you're manifesting this field of abundance and true confidence. You're being completely authentic and real with who you are with every relationship in your life, even and even and especially the professional ones.
And you home in on your superpowers, you look at your irritants so you can figure out, okay, what are those areas in the world that you want to change? No matter how small they may seem, they can easily yield a career or an invention or a new business, depending on you, you know, your, your, your wants and needs, your desires there. And then, then you're kind of ready. That's that's your container. Then you're kind of ready to start dabbling in trying fields where you work for this company or that company, this role or that role.
And it just takes some bouncing around and takes some time. And then also the last thing I would end with is to reframe the way you look at your job versus your career and think about your career as being the long arc of your life and your job just being positions that you have at any given company. And there'll be lots of them over the course of your career. Hopefully shifting that mindset will free you up to give yourself the permission to make mistakes, quote unquote, so that you can really try things and experience them, learn more about yourselves.
And then over time you will, and this is just part of the maturing process in any facet of life, over time through that trial and error, as you learn more about yourself, you will learn what you love, what you hate, and you will finally hone your life into more and more of just the things that you love. So when you wake up in middle age, you're like, wow, this is actually pretty cool. I shed all of that other stuff that I hate because I was paying attention because I worked really hard and got a little lucky and had some privileges and all that. So was able to shed all that stuff and now I've created this life work.
Closing Thoughts
Omaralexis Ochoa: Wow, that's fantastic. Thank you so much for putting all that together for me, Britt. I definitely think this book, as well as just getting the exposure to the different experiences you've had in your unique life, I think it's going to help a lot of people. So, you know, I've already got my copy, so I'm very much wishing the best for this book. You know, it's already a number one bestseller on Amazon. think that's fantastic. And I think a lot of listeners are going to get a lot out of it. So I just want to thank you for coming onto the podcast. I really appreciate it having you on here.
Britt East: Thank you so much. I really appreciate the opportunity as well. I just think the world of you and I think you bring so much intelligence and thoughtfulness to this space and I am going be cheering you on for a long time.
Omaralexis Ochoa: Yeah, thank you so much. really appreciate it. I think it was a great conversation.
Britt East: me too. I can't wait to share it with the world and sing it from the rooftops. think it was fantastic and I really appreciate it.